Many people struggle to find meaning in their lives.
They worry about their purpose in life, they worry about the overarching narrative of their life and how it fits into the grand narrative of the world, they worry about the purpose and meaning of the things that happen to them and how they fit into all those narratives. They also worry about trying to assign some kind of meaning to the things that they do, the objects in the world around them, and the people in their life.
Importantly, in all these worries, the concern is always with some kind of special meaning, one that they want to feel comes from outside them in some way, or is more reified, more robust, than simple doxastic belief, perhaps one that even has some kind of symbolic or propositional content.
Many people turn to organized religion for this. Most organized religions provide a hierarchy, from their gods and supernatural beings, to wise people of some kind, to the people that are merely members, where those on each lower rung of the hierarchy can be assured that the meanings and purposes assigned to them by those higher powers above them on the hierarchy are, at least for them, objective, absolute, intentional, propositional, and weave into a coherent narrative whole. And, conveniently, the final rung of the hierarchy, the supernatural beings, don't exist – for of course, what does "supernatural" mean, but simply "something we have no reason to think exists"? If something manifestly existed, then it would simply be natural, no matter how fantastic. You think volcanoes and supermassive black holes and stars and gravity aren't as fantastic as any supernatural story? – which means that they at least don't have to worry about the purpose or meaning in their lives – they can grant it to others, but the buck can stop there.
Other people don't gel with organized religion – perhaps they realize that just because a purportedly absolute, objective, harmonized purpose and meaning is assigned to you, that doesn't mean you actually enjoy it or want it; perhaps they realize that meaning is inherently something that exists between a consciousness and its experiences, and so the meaning or purpose assigned to you by others doesn't really mean anything for you unless they're either going to enforce it or you choose to accept it, which means that organized religion isn't a true way out of this problem, perhaps they have more specific concerns – but still feel the need to have some kind of more robust, reified, stable, semi-external (gained from others, written down, etc) meaning applied to things in their lives. These people seek out systems of traditions, rituals, symbolism, myth, community, and philosophy through which they can create meanings themselves, subjectively, but then obscure that process from themselves. This way they can intellectually acknowledge the fact that they created those meanings and purposes, but not have to act or feel as if they do, not have to think about it most of the time. This is the way of spirituality of various sorts, and also many non-spiritual things like Humanism, various political ideologies and movements, scientism, and so on.
In my opinion, these people suffer from a few misconceptions:
The first is caused by the promotion of objectivity even in the realm of things that are inherently subjective; absolutism even in the face of things that should inherently grow and change and develop over time; and reification of abstractions, even in the face of something that should be intimately in touch with the raw experience of life itself. The reason that people want meanings that feel external, robust, reified, is that they are caught up in a game imposed on them by the nature of living in a community of others: the tendency for communities to force their participants to be able to justify one's meanings and purposes to other people, even when it isn't necessary, due to the community's inherent nature to try to subsume and devour individuals into themselves, to force conformity and alignment on them. And justifying oneself to others is always a game that requires objectivity – so that you can point to things the other person will agree on – reification – because language involves expressing things in terms of words and concepts, which are inherently abstractions (as opposed to pointing and grunting) – and absolutism, since you don't want to have to constantly re-explain things to people, and people generally expect you to be the same tomorrow as you were yesterday and will expect an explanation if you aren't.
Thus, if the process of meaning-making is too close to home, if the fact that they are creating their own meanings is too obvious, then people feel that:
- the fact that those meanings are subjective makes them feel arbitrary, selfish, or parochial;
- the fact that these meanings are fleeting and changeable makes them weak and pointless;
- the fact that these meanings are local, inchoate, emotional, personal, instead of propositions and symbols based in traditions, makes them irrational and meaning-less.
Meanwhile, to the contrary, if we live in a world where no meanings are objective, no purposes are given, where it all stems from us no matter what we do, than there is no one that can come up to you and criticize the meanings or purposes that you have assigned to things. What grounds do they have? The ground that they've created, which has no bearing on you – they can set themselves against you with all their might, if their meanings and purposes say they must, and that is their right, but what can something they say from their ground mean to you on yours? Why must it matter to you if your meanings are arbitrary in the grand scheme, if you assigned them for personal reasons that seem right to you, that make you happy, or that get you through life? Why does it matter if they're selfish, if you are that self, and the only judge of them? Why does it matter if they are parochial, limited to your life and the things you care about instead of integrated into a grand global or cosmic narrative, when you can only experience and know about your own life anyway?
Likewise, what does it matter if a meaning changes? If meanings come from us than they will only change when they are no longer fit for purpose: when they no longer raise in us the feelings they once did – no longer make us happy, or motivate us, or reach out and grab us and intrigue us. Maybe we have changed, perhaps our context has changed, but for one reason or another a meaning that was once relevant and important can find itself in a context where it no longer has anything to point to or act on, or where other things are more important, or we change such that we simply don't care about that meaning anymore. Why should meanings not be able to change and develop with us, to ebb and flow in cycles as we live and different things catch our minds and interests?
Likewise, why does it matter if a meaning that you've assigned is inchoate, emotional, personal – incommunicable? People seem to get caught up in the idea that what they are seeking is meaning in terms of language, when what they are really seeking is a feeling, or a practice. This is the ultimate reification fallacy: if you ask someone what they truly want out of a Meaning, they'll eventually tell you, if you drill down far enough, that ultimately they're feeling sad, or lonely, or listless, or undirected, or unengaged, and that what they want is something to make them feel excited, enchanted, connected, engaged, focused, and happy.
That's all.
The "meaning" people seek is, at bottom, just a complex and deep melange of affective stances toward their life and the world around them. But because our culture, our world, even the human mind, is so horribly caught up in abstractions and language, they immediately go looking not for particular things – routines, hobbies, projects, people, places, objects, anything – that bring out those feelings in them, but for words, in the shape of archetypes, symbols, abstractions, traditions, theologies, narratives, to overlay onto life, that they hope will bring meaning to dead things that do nothing for them.
In the process of trying to find these things they often do find new routines, new people and places, new projects and hobbies, however, and so the set of words they eventually settle down with will usually be determined actually by which set of accompanying actual particulars truly evoke those feelings in them, but they don't see this. They confuse things and attribute these improvements in situation to the words and not the actual things themselves.
The fact that this confusion of words – especially narratives – for the sort of meaning one is actually looking for is a mistake can best be illustrated by the fact that, if you were to wake up today and learn without a shadow of a doubt, with all the proof you need, that there was a being in the world that had created all humanity, and had designed narratives for each of us to act out in our lives, that all weave into a grand whole, and that all meet some master plan of theirs, you can still conceive of not liking this objective, linguistic, holistic meaning you've been granted. And in fact having this meaning imposed upon you without your choice or consent if you don't like it, agree with it, or want it, is actually crushing. It would suck all the meaning out of your life! If meaning the feeling that you're seeking out and meaning the word were truly identical, if meaning being external was really such a boon, this would be psychologically impossible to comprehend, but it isn't.
What's worse, when you adopt a set of practices and symbols and words to view the world through to structure it and grant meaning for you, you give up spontaneity: now, when you find something that gives you the affective experience of meaning, you have to somehow fit it into that existing rubric, or risk overturning the entire thing by revealing just how arbitrary that rubric is, how much it is simply your choice to play pretend and follow along with. Adopting such a rubric also merely reinforces these fallacies about meaning that make it far harder than necessary to joyfully embrace, adopt, throw yourself into meanings, that make finding meaning not into a thing that you just bump into all the time, but a difficult journey. And worst of all, such rubrics make it difficult for your meaning to change, to adapt with you. If you become a Jungian occultist one year, but then the rigid myopic structure of the archetypes begins to wear on you and you want to try something new, so you become a Wiccan the next year, and then that doesn't work out so you move on to being a Neo-Pagan the next, eventually all these changes will become exhausting, and will also expose to your subconscious the artifice of the entire game. So you have a strong incentive to pick something and Stockholm yourself into sticking with it.
More than anything, though, reality isn't language. Reality isn't narrative. Reality is not symbols or abstractions. It does not owe you fitting those things, or providing easy ways to map those things onto it, and it will not do so. This means that you have the choice of either allowing your precious linguistic game to break – which threatens the safety of the entire edifice upon which you've staked all the meaning in your life – or you have to ignore things or hammer things until they fit the shape you've chosen.
Thus my advice: don't over complicate things. Throw out all the Christian thinking that makes meaning hard to identify even when it's in front of your face, hard to find, hard to accept for yourself. Throw out the word games, the linguistic farce, that locks you down, that separates you from the spontaneity of life, and detaches you from reality. Don't allow the belief that you must find symbols and meanings that can be described in language to creep back in.
Instead, look out into the world of particulars. Find real, specific things that bring you the feeling you're looking for, that engage you, that cause meaning to flower uncaused and unbidden from your creative nothing. Focus on that, don't get lost in abstractions. Experience is an infinite sea of particulars, many that will depress you, make you despair, suck all the meaning out of your life, and many that will do the opposite. This is a game of focus. Make your reality.
Think about the future when the present is terrible, because the future can always change.
Think about the present when the future looks dark, because at least you have these moments now to enjoy.
Find people who bring out the joy and wonder of the world, who make you feel like more of yourself, to spend your time with. Mercilessly cut out the people you hate, and when you can't do that, find joy in watching their absurdity, in documenting their evil and preparing for their downfall, even if it never comes.
Find something to do that you love doing, that occupies your mind, your hands, and your time. Something that you can improve at. Something that you can show others. This will be the backbone that fills everything else.
Focus on the process, not the destination. Even if you hate the process find the particulars about it that you can love and focus on those – the feeling of your body moving and working, the feeling of fighting through something to get it done, the daring rush of trying to meet a deadline headlong, the crazy pride of pushing yourself, the outlandish absurdity of your situation and what a good story it will make.
Remember that pain, disappointment, hurt – all these are also flavors of life, the bitterness to joy's sweetness and contentment's savory. Learn to throw yourself into these things to, challenge yourself with them, grow through them, struggle, fight, and love the fight and the struggle and the challenge and the growth. Learn even to love the pain and the trauma, perhaps, because that's life as we're given it.
Do, be, look. Don't worry about putting names and symbols to it. The more you try to overlay traditions and symbols and archetypes and rituals onto this the more you affirm the misconceptions about meaning, and therefore the more you turn meaning into something difficult and laborious to obtain, instead of something you can trip over in your local supermarket.
From my DMs:
There's so much that's cool and awesome and wonderful and nice and kind and beautiful and great about the world, from the grand things to the mundane things, for me, I just don't see the need to mystify it behind abstractions and symbolism. And for me, meaning-making is just something that happens without effort — things either mean and matter to me or they don't, it just flowers out of my creative nothing without conscious effort or intention, and never toward abstractions, always toward particulars, and I love that, I love experiencing that. So I don't like being told I need symbols and abstractions to have meaning, or rituals and traditions and communities to construct it — all that ruins the magic, the easy joy of it, for me. I always feel like people over complicate this and it sucks the naturalness out of it for me. Plus, every time I've tried to engage with a community around some set of practices or symbolism or beliefs it sucked and I hated it and I was disappointing and I left; I've tried like ten times in my life now. I just really love life, even the pain and disappointment and trauma is Right in its own way. I dunno.